A Place

I , it seems, am in a place. That really is the only way to describe it. I went to a funeral, memorial, tribute...whatever you want to call it for a dear friend today. There are very few memories of my childhood and teenage years that I have that didnt include him. Our parents were best friends, that is the only way to explain WHY we had so much time together when we were very young. We were also neighbors. Neighbors in a country way...lol Our farms butted up against each other. There were many years that there was only a canal that separated our properties. I digress.. What keeps playing through my mind... are the hours spend playing D&D, listening to Steve Miller and/or whatever John or Sam had to listen to. So many stories of rotten eggs and the mail cart...NO one else would understand. All of the weekends spend babysitting Mikey and LB. I dont think ANYONE besides he and I know what those weekends were. We played video games, or rather he tried to desapartely to try to teach me how to play...most often what would happen is he would play and I would watch him play, after a couple hours of frustration on his part. Yet, week after week he did persist on 'giving me a chance' to try to learn. LOL We would experiment with food..we made and ate some of the nastiest shit on the planet..once and a while we got a hit...:) We actually thought we invented Orange soda and ice cream :)

Saturday Night Live!!! We would do our damnest to stay awake for that show. I was adding music to an online play list the other night and added Stevie Ray Vaughn...loved him for years. I have several of his CDs...and at the moment I added it to my list I was flooded with memories of WHY! Matty and I would WAIT for SNL ..and at the time SRV was one of the most often players. I remember sitting in the ottoman with Matty .. I was transfixed..he shook me and said...Where are you?...I was lost in SRV's music. My point in all of that ...HE was there...HE was there for so many defining moments. I remember being on the back of his bike with him as we did chores. I was on that bike with him ..far too many times to count...He would love to catch air ..making me scream and hang on tighter. I dont think he did that for the effect... we were friends...nothing romantic. We tried that for a week(being teenagers, of course)..and no...we loved each other..but it was very clear..not in a romantic way. Many people , if any ,knew that when we were doing chores, we were talking, sharing what was going on in our lives. Giving and taking advise..I seems so private now.

It feels today as the only people that know are a very select few. A very intimate group. You had to be there, you had to live it. For so many years, I lemented my being reared in such a closed society. We were so very tight. Our exposure so very limited. I hated it. He loved it! I didnt realize until today how very profound that world was. Today, at the familys request...we, my family and another, were sectioned off. I felt honored and strangely out of place, we had lost each other. Somewhere in the act of life...we lost each other. Ironic that in his death...I found him again. I found them again, my other family. Not other,..not really..just now separate...this must be how a child of divorce feels.... You have a family but now separate..hmmmm I will have to think about this more.

What it comes down to for me...make sure every significant person in your life....past or present..knows exactly how you feel about them...EVERYTIME you speak..dont assume they know you love them...tell them! Tell them who they are to you ...seems so very simple